forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
