Apparently you make a good broom.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize