And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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