My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
