piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
