Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
