I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize