Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
