Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
