mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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