Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
