Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
