i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
