He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
