I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
