We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
