Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
