i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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