a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
