Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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