I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
