sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
