there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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