Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
