there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
