what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
