i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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