I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
