So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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