I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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