nut hugger
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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