i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
