DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
