some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
