this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
