Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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