I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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