Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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