this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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