Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
