My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
