she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize