Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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