I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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