I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
