god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
