you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
