if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
