Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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