mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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