I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just had sex bonerless
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize