Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
