if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
