whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
