I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
