onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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