Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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