Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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