I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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