you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
