I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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