carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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