I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
