Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize