google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you bring me the toilet please
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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