Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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