Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
